Goldfish Have Rights?

As I write this, the filter pump to our fish tank runs like one of the soothing table-top water gardens you can buy at your local Wal-Mart or Target. The tank was, until recently, home to four fan-tail goldfish. We bought these goldfish to replace the 8-inch comet (Goldy) who died a week after one of my sons turned up the heater in the tank for a few hours one day.

Now we have only two goldfish and it's not because of another man-made (or rather child-made) catastrophe-- no, it's because goldfish are always hungry and will eat anything-- even resorting to cannibalism. One of our goldfish seems to take this to the extreme and has eaten two of the others.

Like some aquatic version of CSI, when the fish went missing, I gently searched through tank decorations to find the them--hoping they were hiding. Instead, just like an episode of CSI, I found only the partially eaten remains.

With Switzerland passing a new law regarding the treatment of "social" animals such as cats, dogs and goldfish, I wondered if over there I would held accountable for facilitating the deaths of two "social" animals.

From the story in the London Times:

Under a new Swiss law enshrining rights for animals, dog owners will require a qualification, anglers will take lessons in compassion and horses will go only in twos.

From guinea-pigs to budgerigars, any animal classified as a “social species” will be a victim of abuse if it does not cohabit, or at least have contact, with others of its own kind.

The new regulation stipulates that aquariums for pet fish should not be transparent on all sides and that owners must make sure that the natural cycle of day and night is maintained in terms of light. Goldfish are considered social animals, or Gruppentiere in German.

The creator of this animal Utopia is the Swiss federal parliament, the Bundesrat, which adopted a law this week extending to four legs the kind of rights usually reserved for two. The law, which comes into force from September 1, is particularly strict over dogs: prospective owners will have to pay for and complete a two-part course — a theory section on the needs and wishes of the animal, and a practice section, where students will be instructed in how to walk their dog and react to various situations that might arise during the process. The details of the courses are yet to be fixed, but they are likely to comprise about five theory lessons and at least five sessions “in the field”.

Anglers will also be required to complete a course on catching fish humanely, with the Government citing studies indicating that fish can suffer too.

The regulations will affect farmers, who will no longer be allowed to tether horses, sheep and goats, nor keep pigs and cows in areas with hard floors.

The legislation even mentions the appropriate keeping of rhinoceroses, although it was not clear immediately how many, if any, were being kept as pets in Switzerland.

Animal protection groups have greeted the news enthusiastically. . .

This law certainly ranks in the top 10 of the silliest, most ridiculous things I have ever heard of-- yet, sadly, it's for real.

Yikes!